My 24th birthday is tomorrow. 24 is real adult, 23 is just graduated from college last year, 24 is a respectable age. I am in a season where I am focusing on myself and on rehab and I have been for the last 4 years. I’ve had a couple relationships years ago and that’s just not something I have the energy for lately to pursue. It sounds nice to have on days like my birthday and around holidays but the mundane stuff in between is just not something I have the mental energy for. In this season I’m in, I’m not focused on building relationships with people who aren’t running beside me on my path or on a similar one. 

So many people my age are getting married, some have kids, and some own houses. I feel behind because that kind of life feels very.. far away from the life I live. I don’t know if it’s feeling behind per se, but more like we’re running on the same path right next to each other and some of us have a different speed limit or more obstacles. Maybe not ~more~ obstacles just of different levels of dfficulties. I’m visualizing a Mario Kart esque track, each driver gets a predetermined amount and frequency of obstacles (in life)(determined by God, before we’re even born) and you look over and you’re like “Man I’m really glad I didn’t get that banana in my path” or you look over and somebody from your graduating class has bought a house and you’re like how did they get there?? But with that being said and metaphor established, it’s really difficult to relate to people on such different roads than I am. The people I seem to relate most to are in their 40’s+ and with some sort of physical disability is usually easiest. People who have depth to them. There’s just an understanding among us brain injured folk. We don’t judge anyone by how they look on the outside. But other people judge us for that and that bounds us together. It’s an ostracizing feeling to know you don’t relate to 98% of people your age. 

I went to a stroke support group in one of the rehab hospitals downtown last month. I was the youngest person in the room by 30+ years. However I was able to give these people more information on their injuries than the doctors did. These poor stroke survivors are largely uninformed about how to treat and recover from their injuries. I didn’t realize how blessed I was for CTN to teach me everything I was taught, and in fact I would like to go back there and learn more, now that I can retain the information. I have come to love the brain and the injury healing process- no matter how frustrating. The ladies running the group asked me to keep coming back because they have so many questions that needed answers and they thought I had the answers 

I’ve told you guys about my tight left hand. Well, I was getting to a point a couple months ago where I could almost open it on my own. The reason that it’s hard to open it with my brain telling my hand to open, is because the muscles that close your hand, the flexors-on the inside of your wrist/forearm are really really strong. Then the muscles that open your hand, the extensors on the outside of the wrist are really weak, and the extensors are overpowered by the flexors but with therapy and Botox and muscle relaxers it’s possible to control the tone in the flexors so that the extensors can work. 

Anyway, I went back to therapy in August/September, meaning stretching and stimulating my arm- muscles that haven’t been used in 4+ years and they are reacting by getting very tight. It’s frustrating but I believe i can learn to control the tightness. Just another obstacle to get through. 

On a related note, i have been pressing my doctors like crazy to help me get the new increased tightness thing figured out. I think I was just annoying enough because my uber specialized rehab neurologist is coming to my therapy session tomorrow to see my tight hand in person so we can figure out a treatment plan. My dad calls this technique ‘being a squeaky wheel’ as in be annoying enough to make the results that you want happen (squeaky wheel gets the oil). I have a great team of therapists and doctors invested in this recovery of mine. 

Life has gotten crazy busy lately. I’m going to Houston next week which should be exciting. Me and I-64 are best friends lately. The way the last few months have gone leads me to hope my 24th year can top every year prior which makes me excited about the future ◡̈