I went to get my nails done last week and could not stop reflecting on my progress with getting my nails done since my stroke happened 4 years ago. I was big on manicures before my stroke and remember vividly my mom struggling to get my hand open enough to do a very not professional home dip manicure on my fingers in the hospital. She had to do this because my manicure that I had done when my stroke happened was super grown out and I refused to just cut them off. This was before we knew all the tricks on making my very tight hand relax. The manicure was a dark plum to reflect my feelings post stroke(lol). It was a horrible result because my mom had never done a dip manicure on anyone else and because my hand was so tense. The fingernails were so bumpy and she couldn’t cut them any shorter so it looked very scraggly. She did her best. Next manicure 3 weeks later, it’s my birthday and I wanted to use my birthday gift from the hospital on an excursion to get my nails done. I remember I was barely walking on my feet and I had to use a gait belt to get in and out of the salon. My mom had to hold my hand open when they were doing that hand. I think my OT went with us too. I was stared at a lot because I was very much bald and you could see my brain surgery scar so boldly and I couldn’t wait for my hair to grow back. One nurse told me I should get a wig for this even though my hair would grow back fairly quickly. I went to that salon until I left Phoenix. That woman changed my life. The patience she showed me every 3-4 weeks was incredible. They helped me to get comfortable making appointments on the phone with days and times to remember on the phone. And she also helped me with learning how to relax enough to get my nails done properly. 

Then I come back to Cape for school and I ask my roommate where the girls got their nails done these days and she tells me the salon she went to. I went to them a couple times but ultimately when I tried to make an appointment like my 8th or 10th time going there and they said they could do my right hand (the one that works) but not the left hand because it was too hard. I just said ‘okay’ and hung up. Then immediately through tears I searched for a new nail salon and found one in Jackson (about 10 minutes north of my Cape) and I started going there and the lady I went to said she had another client of hers be told the same thing that they told me, just refusing to do the service, by the same salon!! It’s horrible the lack of patience the nail technicians have for differently abled people. I heard the other day though that they had shut down so I guess what goes around comes around lol

When i finally moved to St. Louis after i graduated, i wanted to branch out from the salons I’d gone to pre stroke. Because i was different now than i was before. My ex’s mom wanted to get pedicures and I found a salon halfway between their house and mine. The lady I go to has a special needs son so I think she has extra patience for me. in the last two years I’ve been going there, she has been so patient and supportive. I’m finally getting to a point where i can control if my hand is tight or not. When i get manicures nowadays it’s almost like two normal hands. Last week when i was there she said how far my hand has come since the first time i came to her. ‘Good hand progress’ as she put lotion on both my normal hands. 

I feel like the impression I get when I tell people I had two strokes when I was 19 is that they are just floored by what I have ‘accomplished’ and they’re always like ‘how old are you!!’ ‘23’ ‘wow…’ cue 75 questions from them. And when my parents look at me they just marvel at me and watch what I do to see how I do it. I think that’s so funny because it’s like what else am I supposed to do? Not eat? Not get dressed? Obviously I’m going to learn how to do stuff with one hand originally and then when it’s time and because I’m a perfectionist, use the patience and time necessary to make that injured hand come back in it’s own way. 

People tell me all the time they can’t imagine going through what I’ve been through and to that I used to say ‘it could always be worse’ because like yes I could be in a power chair, I could permanently have a cane, but even if that were true, I would still find a way to be happy and fulfilled. That’s not the point. The point is that these are the lemons I was dealt, why not make lemonade◡̈

Which leads me to my next point. I started going to the Stephen A Orthwein center downtown, it’s an adaptive gym to help people socialize and get support and further their recovery beyond what therapy can do. I have gone every day this week and I just love it there. I was immediately welcomed into this family of people just like me. Smart, funny, capable people who happen to have something wrong with their body. It’s insane to talk to people so similar to me when I have felt ostracized from the general population of society for quite some time now. I fit in there, nobody is looking at me sideways because I have to adapt the machines for my use, I don’t feel out of place in the slightest. It’s a total breath of fresh air. I just have prayed for these people and today I saw a paraplegic (legs paralyzed, as opposed to a quad which is all four) supported by a stand up table thing that he was supported by and strapped to- I should’ve taken a picture it was so cool- move his arms and legs up and down and I made friends with a man with no legs, and I met a lady who had a stroke 4 years ago like me!! I feel super blessed to meet these people and be welcomed by them. The other day I met a lady who is a quadriplegic on the machine next to me & we found out through Facebook that she’s known my parents for 20+ years. Literally insane they were like ‘we didn’t realize you meant our Katie!!’ Katie is going to help me write my book-probably soon!! Because she’s written 5 books both before and after her accident. 

Im still kinda struggling with the headaches but I am managing them. I might be in Houston for my birthday in October, which is good because i have nothing planned in St. Louis for it. 

I am really looking forward to the last quarter of the year◡̈