12/28/24

The holidays are always a stressful time. People come into town who don’t know our routines and try to be helpful because they don’t know what we need because they’re not always around us. It can be fun to break up the monotony of the everyday with a movie out or a nail appointment. Knowing our limits and when you need to take a break from the fun is essential to getting through the holidays to the new year.

I know it’s cliche, but a new year represents a clean slate to me, and a way to start new habits and set yourself up for a year of success. Everybody on TikTok was really big into manifesting this year and speaking into existence what you wanted your 2025 to look like. But I don’t think manifesting actually does anything for you unless you do the work to make it happen. I have found the only way to get things like that to go my way, like making it to graduation, or getting my 4.0, or getting accepted into my robot clinical trial, THEN getting sorted into the device/robot group-as opposed to the OT HEP group- is to pray about it, to whichever higher power you choose to believe in. Then you have to do the work in tandem with your God doing his(or hers).

I will be the first to admit that I have been lazy in my faith pretty much my whole life. My parents both grew up in pretty strict religious environments. Because they were both raised this way, they took a much more relaxed approach to faith when it came to Kaela and me. They thought we would come into it when we were ready to. I had some friends try to force it in college, in a manner I knew I didn’t love. The intentions were pure, but I didn’t fully agree with the interpretations. It felt a little too much like a pop-culturey take on God. It was intended to make coming into Jesus fun for college kids, again with pure intentions, but it came off kind of icky to me.

But now, post-grad, I have the freedom, the license, the time, and the mental capacity to give God and Jesus the time and space they deserve in my life so that I can properly learn about them in my own interpretation without someone else’s ideas skewing my impressions. Having this autonomy has been like breaking free of a mold I didn’t even realize I was stuck in.

If I think about it though, I have been breaking molds for years without even doing it on purpose. I have always done what I wanted with my hair color or braids or clothes or sports, because I was able to. My parents always told me I was capable of anything I set my mind to. Ever since entering adulthood, I have noticed my parents’ sayings spewing out of my mouth left and right. I say “I can do anything! Just trust me.” all the time, and they have had to relearn how to trust me trusting myself and my capabilities after I lost it all. I love this person I have recreated. This kind, compassionate, capable, independent, long-haired, confident person I have created since my stroke in is a far cry from the girl who woke up in the wheelchair with no hair and a tube in her throat and tummy, and scars on her head. The nurses told me I should buy a wig as if my hair wouldn’t grow back; and to look into skilled nursing facilities, as if as young and athletic I am, I wouldn’t be able to gain some function back, or my parents wouldn’t be able to support me.

My physical capabilities further returning will be my focus of 2025. I already have a plan for the first two months, and as it only takes twenty-one days to develop a habit, I should be in the clear as soon as I get past January 25. I’m hoping if I prioritize my body and my recovery a little bit more than I have been, which admittedly has been kind of passive. I have been “getting after it” in other people’s eyes, because they have perspective on where I was, I guess. I don’t have that perspective. Stroke rehab was never physically taxing on me, because of how competitive of an athlete I was previously, I played in club sports from age 10/12 until i was 19. I want to push myself how much my rehabbed body can be pushed. I want to find joy in that, because I know it can only positively benefit my body, in how it looks and how it works. I have made my peace with my one-handed life, so if it comes back, it comes back. If not, I’m doing fabulously without it. ☺MK